A Story: Surprise

You know how Facebook allows you to check what happened on this date in previous years? Well, for obvious reasons, I’ve become obsessed with checking it every day. I guess, in a way, I hope to recapture a bit of my interactions with Dave. Every few days there’s something funny or inappropriate he posted to my page, or some cute K-9 video I posted to his. It’s sad, but also somehow a relief to find something that connected Dave and me.

Today is a tough one. The app showed me the video of when Dave, Boris, and I surprised our dad for his 60th birthday just a few days before Dave was killed. It’s so heart-warming, but it’s also gut-wrenching to know that mere days later, from some of the happiest times we went to the absolute worst of times. But, in case you don’t know the story, here it is.

Knowing our dad’s 60th was coming up, we started scheming about what we could do to mark the occasion. Dave always had these ideas about gifting him something really extravagant, like a Harley (or when our mom said “absolutely not” to that idea: a snowmobile). Whatever the idea of the moment, he’d send me links to what he had picked out and was always lobbying for us to start putting money aside for it. Anyways, for this birthday none of us had that kind of money, so we had to come up with something else!

I live in Virginia with my hubby, an obvious possibility was for us to drive the 6 hours for a surprise visit. From there, the surprise mushroomed. I checked with Dave if there was any way he could fly in from Texas, and with Boris to see if he could come from Taiwan — we’re talking about a 20-hour trip here. We hadn’t all been in one place for many, many years since we all live really far from each other and, naturally, someone was always missing from our gatherings. But, somehow, this all came together. So, Jared and I drove up a couple of days early, and were the first unexpected visitors. But, it’s only a 6-hour drive, so this wasn’t all too crazy. Dad was happy, but had no idea what was still in store.

The next day, we made up some story about going to have drinks with some friends who were in the area. In reality, we rushed to the airport were Dave and Boris (with our niece, Valerie) were supposed to arrive. Instead of coming straight to the Newark, Dave had flown into NYC to hang out with his friends there for a few hours. So, by the time he arrived, he’d had a few drinks and, somehow, couldn’t find the international arrival’s hall. How is that even possible?! By the time he finally found his way to where I was waiting for Boris, he had a mischievous grin on his face as I pretended to be irritated. If you know Dave, you know exactly what he looked like with his slightly-apologetic-but-you-can’t-actually-be-annoyed-at-me face.

Shortly after Dave finally found me, Boris and my niece arrived from their long journey from Taipei. We all squeezed into the car and headed back to our parents’. When we arrived, Jared and I went in first and found my dad spread out on the couch watching the news. Dave followed behind me giggling and just sat down next to dad. Then, for the coup the gras, Boris and Valerie walked in, and my dad was completely speechless. Of course, the surprise was great and totally unexpected.

I have a video of the moment everyone walked in, but I can’t bear to post it. It’s too raw, to0 painful and I want to protect that private moment for our family. But, I took a couple of screenshots of the grainy video to include here.

The days that followed the surprise were perfect. We had an amazing 60th birthday dinner. We sat outside on the terrace, chatting, Dave smoking cigars. We had animated, at times contentious, political discussions (imagine imagine for a moment, discussing Bernie vs. Hillary vs. Trump with Dave was wearing a sparkly cowboy hat, drinking whiskey out of a coffee mug). Dave and I had a heart-to-heart about his job and his plans for the future. My mom, as always, told him she was scared for him every day.

So those days were perfect not because we’re a perfect family, but because we were all together. That alone was enough.

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A Story: My Safety Net

A couple of days ago, I had the urge to flip through Dave’s old yearbooks. I picked out a few of the pictures to include in this post. Dave and I went to the same school when we moved to NYC in the 1997 (from Switzerland). Dave started the 5th grade, and I started high school. I think Dave had an easier adjustment than me, since I’d had a pretty hard time being bullied in middle school. I remember that when we first moved, I was so scared of everyone that Dave and I would eat lunch together, sitting on the 8th floor of our school, by some lockers. (Of course, I’d convinced myself that I was having lunch with him for HIS sake, since I was worried about him starting out in a new school.) This went on for a couple of weeks until Dave was ready to hang out with his classmates, and so left me no choice but to get out there too. My fears ended up being  completely unfounded and my years in St. Ann’s were amazing, but I’ll never forget how much I relied on him those first few weeks at a new school.

In fact, that’s pretty much the story of Dave’s and my relationship: we were each other’s support. 100%. Every. Day. Before moving to NYC, we moved from one country to the next every 2-4 years, so the only constant other than our parents was each other (Boris stayed in Germany to finish school when we moved to Switzerland, so after I turned 10 and Dave turned 7, we never lived in the same place together). As we grew up, we developed different ways of thinking about a lot of things, but at the core of our relationship that never mattered: we listened to each other; we debated each other; we could call each other out on any nonsense; we helped each other no matter what the issue. We were each other’s safety net, always.

(Though I did get pretty mad that one time he read my diary and reported its contents back to my parents “because he was worried” about me, haha.)


The Jokester (7th Grade)


Sibling Photo (I was a senior, Dave in 8th grade)


11th Grade


12th Grade