At this moment, I’m sitting in an Amtrak train headed home to Jared. As I look out of the window, the sun is twinkling through the newly-awoken green of the trees. People are laughing, having animated conversations or just absorbed in interesting reading in the stations we pass by. Sometimes, as we exit a town, beautiful, colorful townhomes form neat rows – the kind I always appreciated so much for their cheer. And, everything beautiful is making me sad.
It’s been a few weeks now since that terrible day. Initially, and most of the time still, my mind has been completely frozen by shock and despair. Slowly, as this shock dissolves, I’m left with glimpses of what this new world really means: a world without him, a world where I can’t laugh at his sillyness or be amazed by our friendship, except in the memories I have and the stories that are shared with me.
This new world seems impossible to understand.